This is a rather intriguing title / theme, befitting the subject-matter – the human behavioural enigma – that dominates daily life.
To get a handle on this question: I draw your attention to the ‘context’ of Booklet / eBook: The “GLOW” of Happiness / “FIT” for Purpose: “If we weren’t DIS-FUNCTIONAL we wouldn’t be NORMAL”. This is followed by a pertinent quote: “Everybody is NORMAL until you get to know them” (Book: John Ortberg).
While the Booklet’s backpage signposts the journey: “exploring the area of social & spiritual dis-connect in our lives”: this website – see front page – “offers an opinion on how your life is affected by early childhood experiences”. It says: “The roots for the ‘mode-of-living’ you now pursue are planted (for better or worse) at this critical formation stage”.
I will now review the central thesis (of these ‘ponderings’) under three ‘ABC’ scenarios:
1st scenario: the child is ‘Abandoned’. The child senses it ‘does not belong’ because he / she received ‘no welcome’ / ‘no personal relational bonding’. As a result the ‘child / teen / adult’ spends his / her life searching (in vain) for a ‘home’ to go to (socially / spiritually). The survival ‘mode of life’ becomes, sadly, one of deep aloneness / isolation. In summary: childhood never started.
2nd scenario: the child is ‘Betrayed’. The child has been ‘accepted’ & – for all intents & purposes – is well on its way ‘development-wise’. However, a childhood trauma arises – ‘out of the blue’ – which has a devastatingly negative impact on the child’s life. The child seeks to rationalize same – feels guilt & shame – & vows that such a humiliating experience will (ever / never) happen, again. The ‘child / teen / adult’ has become ‘scarred & scared’ & spends his / her life hiding (in vain) from all possible recurrences. The survival ‘mode of life’ becomes, miserably, caught-up in avoidance. In summary: childhood never finished.
3rd scenario: the child is ‘Condemned’. The child is subjected to (almost from day one) a continuous sequence of ‘repression / suppression’. In this harsh environment the child learns that the ‘name of the game’ (of life) is: “everyone for themselves”. So, the ‘child / teen / adult’ adopts ‘MOB’ rule (‘Manipulating, Oppressing, Bullying’) strategy. The survival ‘mode of life’ becomes, aggressively, ‘reactive’ (to perceived threats). In summary: childhood never existed.
Now, all the above has been summarised in the Booklet / eBook as: It’s a ‘BIG-BAD” world (out there) of ‘separated’ relationships – stemming from ‘switched-off’ emotions. But, an alternative is, also, offered as: It’s a ‘LOVEY-DOVEY’ world (out there, too) of ‘connected’ relationships – stemming from ‘switched-on’ emotions.
The latter ‘mode of life’ is based on an ‘Affirmed, Blessed, Celebrated’ childhood (as per Booklet / eBook). See there, also: How do we ‘get-there’?: The ‘ABC’ of ‘Parenting / Fostering’. And, finally: ‘Parenting & Fostering’ (article), under the FORMATION Button.
Wow: you may well ask: “Is that it”? “Is that the total answer to our human dilemma”? And, the quick answer is: “Not at all”. So, where do we turn to for ‘IN-SIGHT’ / for ‘IN-TO-ME-SEE’ / for ‘INTIMACY’? The ‘real’ answer is, in fact, a ‘person’: Jesus, The Christ. He simply says: “Love as I have loved”. This is His prescription: known as: The “WAY” / The “VIA” (“Value Identity Affirmation”). Under this model of ‘up-bringing’ the ‘child / teen / adult’ partakes in Incarnational (social) / Trinitarian (spiritual) ‘gifts & graces’ relevant to human / divine life. These quality standards might be summarised in terms of 3 R’s: Respect (value), Recognition (identity), Relationality (affirmation).
All that said: are you beginning to “see” the ‘meaning / relevance / purpose’ of the title / theme (to this article)? We’ve glimpsed (a little picture) of ‘what lies beneath’ (the surface of some peoples lives): the ‘pain’ of being ‘Abandoned, Betrayed, Condemned’. We can also detect ‘what lies above’ (the surface of other peoples lives): the ‘delight’ of being ‘Affirmed, Blessed, Celebrated. The big question is: how do we bridge this ‘gap’? How do we “Heal Wounds” & “Warm Hearts” (as Pope Francis has expressed this ‘social / spiritual’ paradox)?
Pending further articles on this ‘vital’ topic: let’s give you “food for pondering”: (a) “The heart of the matter is the matter of the heart”: (b) “One does not free a man by detaching him from the bonds that paralyze him; one frees a man by attaching him to his destiny” (Emmanuel Mounier): (c) “Behold I make all things new” (Revelations 21:5).