The “A” “B” “C” of ‘Parenting & Fostering’!
‘AF-FIRM, BE-FIRM, CON-FIRM’
A child is born: a new human being ‘arrives’ into family life. The big question – before we get to put a soother in its mouth – is: HOW are we going to help this ‘new-gift-of-human-life’ to ‘open-up’ & ‘grow-up’ ‘FIT’ for Purpose?
And now for a paradoxical paradigm to ponder: I have tended to say to all who might care to listen: “It’s an ‘IT’ world”. You might say: “cop-on, we have ‘IT’ coming out our ears: what’s new?”. Of course, you’re right. But, I’m not talking about “faceless” ‘IT’ (i.e. Information Technology); I’m really pointing to “face-to-face” ‘IT’ (i.e. Incarnation Trinity). A great mystery is hidden, ‘in-clear-view’, here. When we are born into the world, we are ‘enfleshed / incarnated’. But, we are still a ‘BLANK’ to some degree. We need an ‘OTHER’ to reflect back to us WHO we are &, as the saying goes: “we are ‘NOBODY’ until ‘SOMEBODY’ loves us”.
Jesus had a SPECIAL combination of Parenting (from Mary) & Fostering (from Joseph). These two SIGNIFICANT people – in Jesus’ life – were (both) ‘receivers & givers’ & ‘givers & receivers’, within the realm of God’s providential plan for ‘rescuing’ mankind.
So, what is the real relevance of the ‘IT’ metaphor to the subject matter under consideration? It’s here: as Software underpins “INFORMATION” so does (& in a some what similar way) Spirituality underpin “IN-FORMATION”. There is a whole sequence of parallels pertaining to these two ‘S’ words: data / person, virtual / real, etc., etc. However, what we are drawing attention to in this example is: as, Software ‘drives’ INFORMATION, so, Spirituality ‘drives’ IN-FORMATION. Translating this into practice, means, first & foremost, that both work from the ‘inside-out’ i.e. the real ‘motor’ / ‘motivation’ is at / in the ‘core’ / ‘heart’. If, we accept this proposition, we have a new sense of the role of Spirituality in living ‘life-to-the-full’: whether as child, teenager or adult.
Before leaving the ‘contrast & compare’ of these two key ‘S’ words, it is worth ‘reflecting-on’ the “mash-up” now evident in Social Media (social-‘me’-idea) where ‘product & person’ / ‘person & product’ have become intermingled. The question of the on-going VALUE of the ‘S’ words in terms of offering answers to our innate need for HAPPINESS seem to be at the opposite ends of the spectrum. Note: never before, in the history of humanity, have people had more connection TO one another & less connection WITH one another.
This brings us back to earth ‘with-a-bang’: a gigantic global ‘SOS’ call to become AWAKE, ALERT & AWARE of where the human race is going! “As we sow, so shall we reap” (Galatians 6:7).
Whereas, Software is an ‘encoding’ process, Spirituality is a ‘decoding’ process. We, human beings, ‘arrive’ pre-programmed: we are ‘spiritual-beings’: what we’re trying to do, is: “BE-COME” ‘human-beings’, who “GLOW”.
Now, the question is: HOW can we best facilitate the growth & maturity of a fragile / vulnerable / dependent baby? While the externals (i.e. food & shelter) are vital in their own way, they are not sufficient in themselves. The child’s potential (i.e. its in-built capacity / capability) has to be nurtured & cultivated. The significant people in the child’s life have to “DRAW” (out) the child’s (very own & special) UNIQUE gift(s): to the world. This process centres on: “Recognition (with Head), Acknowledgement (with Heart), Welcome (with Hands)”. These can – indelicately – be described as the “RAW” elements of life. However, to implement (i.e. make ‘affective / effective’) these basic steps, the “D” element is crucial. This letter stands for “Die” (to ‘self’).
In brief, the significant ‘OTHER’ in the child’s life – Mother / Father / God-Parent / Foster-Parent / Adoption-Parent– has to ‘put-the-child-first’. What is absolutely vital, at the early stage of the child’s life, is that the ‘NOBODY’ becomes a ‘SOMEBODY’. This means the child comes to realize – slowly & surely – it’s own unique PERSONALITY & it’s own exclusive IDENTITY. Without these ‘credentials’ the child / teenager / adult does not have the ‘where-with-all’ to contribute / deliver on its God given gift(s).
An early indication of BONDING is when the ‘BLANK’ (new arrival) responds with a SMILE. A “spark” has ignited & it’s on its way to become a “fire”. The ‘bonding’ process might be described in these different, but essentially the same sets of words: “accepting / belonging / communing”: or, as set-out in the Booklet: “affirming / blessing / celebrating”. Whatever words / acts are at “play”, the child has to be at the centre of ‘intention /attention’. If this ‘bond / relationship’ does not occur the child is “STUCK” & here lies the root cause of so many ensuing problems in its life.
Essentially, what has been focused on – in the above outline – is the 1st step: ‘AF-FIRM’ i.e. giving the child a FIRM FOUNDATION. As the ‘bond / relationship’ begins to develop &, as, the child begins to TRUST the significant ‘OTHER’ in it’s life, the ‘BE-FIRM’ mode (i.e. learning disciplines) falls into place. But it’s not all ‘one-sided’. In ‘CON-FIRM’ mode ‘reciprocity / mutuality / complementarity’ come into the equation & the mystery of the child / teenager / adult is revealed,
The kernel of the ideas, set-out, find their ‘meaning / purpose / relevance’ when they touch the ‘HEART’ of the child: make that vital ‘EMOTIONAL CONNECTION’ / ‘EMOTIONAL SWITCH-ON’. The WARMTH of a real-life, authentic “CUDDLE & EMBRACE” is of the essence & the child responds in terms of a “SMILE” that ‘says-it-all’. Know that Mary & Joseph – our role models – fulfilled this ‘Parenting / Fostering’ responsibility &, as, the Bible says: “the child Jesus increased in wisdom & stature, & in favour with God & men” (Luke 2:52). Go & do likewise!